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Ok, So…. If you’re like anyone else in a marriage you want to be heard. Problem is, Ya Need to Listen as well ! You’ve heard it said, there’s always 2 sides to a coin, there’s always 2 sides to a story, it takes 2 to tango and so on…

A lot of times, couples tell us ” He just doesn’t listen ” or ” she just doesn’t listen ” It’s NOT about listening, It’s about Hearing What is being said. If You stop and Hear what Your spouse is saying, You will then understand where your spouse is coming from and what they are trying to convey to you.

It will save You a lot of frustration & fighting.

In the book ” Communication: Key to your marriage, H. Norman Wright writes ” Here are 3 questions to help you think about yourself as a communicator “.

• Is communicating with your spouse difficult for you ?
• Often —– Sometimes —– Almost never
• Does your spouse seem to have difficulty understanding what you mean ?
• Often —– Sometimes —– Almost never
• What do you think your spouse would say about your ability to communicate ?
• Often —– Sometimes —– Almost never

Keep in mind, We are not trying to start WWIII by you answering these 3 questions honestly. Just wanting you to look for insight as to why or why not you are a good communicator. The answers to these 3 question’s will for sure tell you. It may be a Big problem in your marriage or maybe not. You’ll soon find out.

” What Husbands and Wives say to one another can turn their marriage in different directions ( and in some cases cause them to wind up going in a vicious circle ” ). – H. Norman Wright

” A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger ” – Proverbs 15:1

Please let us know how it goes. Hopefully good and possibly a breakthrough for some.

Have a Great week !

Jay

The Holidays can be filled with magic and wonder, but for many,  this season can be filled with heartache, frustration and depression.  What should you do when your Christmas isn’t full of  “Peace on Earth”?

This is exactly how I had been feeling for many years.  I just wasn’t into the holidays.  I thought of them more as something that was getting in my way. Oh sure we used to celebrate the holidays in style.  I loved every minute of it.   But changes in our family; one crisis after another and financial whoas left me a bit of  a Scrooge.  “The holiday’s are so much work.”  “The kids probably won’t be here much anyways.” “I hate the holidays, they just make me think of what I have lost.”  “We don’t have ______ to make it Christmasy.”

I just felt like if it wasn’t”just the way” I think Christmas should go, then it could not be “Christmas”.  This was my holiday reality.

Then today as I listened to a children’s choir sing about Mary and her baby, it hit me.  The first Christmas was anything but organized, magical, or peaceful.  Things were NOT happening the way that they had planned.  Mary and Joseph were engaged.  I’m sure they sat and talked for hours about how everything would happen. Then life was completely turned upside down.  Mary was pregnant.  She wasn’t even married yet and worse, it wasn’t Joseph’s baby.   Now she had to explain it to her fiance.  She was young, scared and alone.  When she finally told Joseph he was understandably upset.

Joseph was in love with Mary.   The woman he loved was pregnant with someone Else’s baby!! That could put a cloud over anyone’s holiday plans.  (Imagine that holiday dinner.)  He had a lot of thinking to do.  What was he going to do?   Engagements were as binding as a marriage.  He could either get her into a lot of trouble or because he loved Mary deeply he could divorce her quietly.  He decided to quietly let her go. 

After things got straightened out and Joseph heard the truth from the angel, he made up with Mary, things got better and they lived happily ever after…..wait no they didn’t.  Things got worse.  Taxes had to be paid and Joseph had to travel very far away to pay them. This was before auto deduct.  The problem was that Mary would have the baby any day now and he couldn’t leave her alone.  So he packed everything up for the ultimate holiday road trip.

Mary was tired and worn.  She hoped the baby would wait to be born until they could get back home.  Unfortunately that didn’t happen.  The baby decided NOW was the time.  There was no place to have the baby.  Every place they tried was full.  Hungry, tired and cold they finally found an old barn (or some say a cave) to rest for the night.

From Mary and Joseph’s perspective this looked like God’s plan had gone wrong.  It felt like God was no where to be found.  How could Joseph and Mary celebrate the birth of the Savior in all this disorder.  Nothing felt right. But God had a different plan.  In the middle of their mess and confusion, God was working out the biggest plan our little planet would ever see.  He was bringing his son into the world to save his people.

That night they did celebrate.  Our Savior was born despite the fact that things were not the way Mary and Joseph thought they should be.

Do you feel that Christmas just isn’t happening the way you thought it should happen?  Do you feel that you could enjoy the holidays if only_________?

God’s plan is still being carried out in you whether you feel it or not.  God is still with you and still has a purpose for your life even if it feels like a mess.  There may not be money for elaborate gifts.  You may have lost someone very dear to you this year.  Your family may be scattered all over the country.  You may not even know if you will have a place to stay starting in the new year.  Mary and Joseph know.  They know that life doesn’t ever go the way we planned.  However they also know that the Savior of the world was born to save.  That is something to celebrate.

This year I will be celebrating.  Not because there is the perfect amount of gifts under the tree and not because everything went as planned this Christmas.  I will be celebrating because my Savior came into the world into the arms of two imperfect people with two messed up lives.  If God can pull off his ultimate plan in them, then he can pull off His plan for me and my family despite our mess and despite all that goes wrong.

Merry Christmas!

by Christa Hannold

Let’s go over something that has bothered me for a long time.

Ephesians 5:22 says “Wives submit to your husbands”   Some husbands (at least in the church) have used this passage to get their way in their marriage.  They could not be more wrong.  The very next verse in 5:25 says “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”   I don’t think men realize the depth of that statement. In a nutshell, he is saying- you are to sacrifice everything in order to love, honor and cherish your wife.

In 5:28 it says husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.

God put you together for a reason and that reason is to care for each other, be there for each other.  In Proverbs it says Blessed is the man who has someone to help him up, whoa to the man who does not have anyone to help him up.

Keep in mind, your wife is not a maid, punching bag, sex toy or a person to constantly degrade and yell at.

She has been chosen for you by God Proverbs 16:9

Serve each other. Put down the remote, your phone, newspaper or whatever is distracting you from your spouse.

-Jay

John 15:13    Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

Last year at this time, right before the New Year I read an article about choosing a word for the new year.  I chose (or rather it chose me) the word DEBT.

  Why would I choose such a word you ask?

Well, we were working hard on paying off all our debt left over from saving a business during the recession.   It seemed to be all we could focus on.  It interrupted our everyday life with stress and worry.  So we set out on the new 2012 year with one goal in mind; to clear all of our debt by the end of the year.  It was a pretty colossal goal.  We had no idea how we would accomplish it but we prayed about it and asked God for His help.

Half-way through January, Jay received a job offer that was too good to pass up.  But that would mean I had to work harder at the shop to cover his job of taking care of the tuxedo side of our business.  After much prayer Jay decided to take the job and I and our staff agreed to take on the extra work.  Almost one year later we are 2 months from reaching our goal.  Although we didn’t make our goal of having everything paid off before the New Year, we have made some adjustments and are happy with how far we came.  It is only because of God that we are this close to our goal.  He found a way where we saw no way and He gave us the strength to reach for that goal.

Today as I look back at 2012 and as I look forward towards 2013 I have to pick a new word.  About a month ago I thought I knew exactly what my new word should be. ABUNDANCE!  After all, I have had a long hard year and I think it would be nice to have an abundant year.  So I set out for that to be my word.  Until yesterday at church, when the new word hit be between the eyes.  The pastor talked about how we look back on our year to see our accomplishments.  No matter how many accomplishments there are, there will also be a sense of failure for the things we didn’t do.

He asked us to change our focus.  What does God want to accomplish in your year?  For no matter what happens in your year, God is working and molding you into who he wants you to be.  The life of faith offers freedom from the fear of the unknown. The life of faith offers freedom from the fear of failure.  I don’t know what 2013 will bring. The thought of what might happen can strike fear in me.  If I am living in the Life of Faith I know that no matter what happens in the economy, in my family or in my marriage, God is in control and he is doing something in my life.

I chose the word FAITH to be my word for 2013.

I will work hard to accomplish what I set out to accomplish.  I will strive to be healthier and more in charge of my finances.  I will try to be a better mom and a better wife. But in the end I will have FAITH in God to see me through, to help me find a way where there seems to be no way, and to help me grow in areas I need to grow in.

Happy New Year Everyone! May you get to the end of 2013 with a greater understanding of God’s love for you.

Christa