When you first decide to “ pop the question “ did you ever take a step back and think about the Vows?

The Vows in Marriage Are the MOST Important above anything else.  It is Not only between You and Your Spouse, but Also between You and God.  Your Vows are an Oath, a Covenant, To God.  That is a HUGE Deal.  Let’s take a look at what we say:

I (    ) take You, (     ) to be my ( Wife / Husband ) To Have and To Hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward, until death do us part. As God is Our Witness.

“To Have and To Hold” = Complete Dedication to Your Spouse.
“For Better or for Worse” = Anyone who is married or is getting married, loves the “for Better” part,  it’s the “For Worse” part that couple’s have a hard time dealing with.   The wedding is surreal, surrounded by loved ones, party atmosphere, dancing, etc….  But, when it all fades, that is when it’s time to roll up the sleeves and Work Hard on the marriage.  No matter how difficult the marriage gets, you need to stay strong….  Things will get better.

“ For richer or for poorer “ = Rich is easy, Poor… Not so easy.  There are 3 main difficulties in marriage.  Number 1 – Communication.  2. Intimacy.  3. Finances.
Poor isn’t forever.  It’s all about priorities…  There are all kinds of ways to get debt free, trust me, I know.   After almost 24 years of marriage, my wife and I will be debt free!  We’ve seen both sides, Rich and Poor.  We stayed strong and are enjoying life now, because we didn’t give up.

“In sickness and in health” = This one is where the rubber meets the road.  If you can take on Servant hood… You’ve got it made.   Anytime your spouse asks you to   “serve them” and you have an issue with it, it might be time to take a step back and look at why you are annoyed with them.  Serving (To Me) is One of the most Important things you can do for your spouse.   It tells them and shows them that you do, in fact, care about them.  Weather they are Sick or Healthy.

“”To Love and to Cherish” = This is My Favorite.  I Love My Wife with an “Agape Love”.   Agape Love =  “ A Decision to have total concern for a person’s well being, Physical, Mental and Spiritual, borne out in Action.”

Christ commands me, to Love her as Christ Love’s the church. (Ephesians 5:25)
Also, I need to add (Ephesians 5:22 & 5:24) Re: Wives submitting to their Husbands.  That DOES NOT Mean, Whatever they say goes!   No Spouse should be railroaded into submission.  There should be a care and compassion towards your spouse.

“From this day forward”  = It is the Beginning of an Amazing Journey,  Fasten your seat belts, For one Fabulous ride!  At this point, you are saying goodbye to single life and Hello to Partnership, Servant hood and Sacrifice.  But, It is So Worth It!

“Till death do us part”  = I look at this, not as a sorrowful day, but a day in which, I will be reunited with my spouse, once again in Heaven.  What a Wonderful day that will be!

But until then, I plan on being the Encouraging, Loving Servant, to my wife and children.  That’s what makes me their Hero, Not a Zero.

– Jay

In a power outage you soon realize all the things that run on power.  My first reaction to a power outage is to think “Ok this will be alright. We will just have our meal by candlelight.”  But then I need to finish preparing the meal and I realize that I cannot open a can without the can opener. (The hand can opener is pack who knows where with the camping stuff)  I can’t warm up my meal in the microwave.  But that’s ok, I will do it the old fashion way; on the stove.  Great!  The stove is electric too.  Every move I make during that power outage I realize that I never think about needing power to do the things I do everyday.  I even reach for a light switch automatically, though I know it won’t work.  My actions have become automatic.  I have taken power for granted.

“You never know what you have until it’s not there.”

I had a week just like that.  It was not a power outage however; it was my husband I was missing.  As he planned his trip away I thought, I will just spend this time getting things done.  I will finally be alone with my thoughts.  No one to take care of……or so I thought.  In the first day or two it became very clear, all the things he does for me that I take for granted.  See I have it doubly bad.  I not only live with Jay, but I also work with him everyday.  So from the simple things like waking up along side him, or him rubbing the stress out of my neck at night;  to all the chores at the shop like running to UPS or the post office or checking all the tuxedos in, I was painfully aware of his absence.

Most of those things I don’t think about everyday.  Most of them I don’t thank him for.

A friend of mine once had a problem with her husband always leaving his shoes in the middle of the room, where she would trip over them.  One day after tripping, she thought “what if something happened to my husband and those shoes were not there anymore? How would I feel then.”  From that day forward she was glad when she ran across his shoes.  It meant he was there.

I have another friend who’s husband just accepted a job far away.  It was an important financial decision for them right now but she has to be without him for weeks at a time.  I’m sure her days are filled with his shadow.  The foot prints of where he always was.

DO NOT wait until your spouse is gone to realize where they are and what they are doing in your life.  Even in the worst relationships there are things that are good.  Things you would miss.

Today, take a mental note of each and every little detail of what your spouse does for you.  Maybe even write it down.  Then Thank them for it!

Thankfully, I am picking Jay up from the airport tomorrow.  After almost 9 days of missing him, I will give him the biggest hug, and thank him for all he does.  And you can bet I will be taking a mental note this week of every little thing.

…………..He’s Home!  : )

Opposites attract.  That’s what they say anyway.

My experience is………… they are completely right!

Jay and I couldn’t be more different. First there is the gender thing. He has a completely different way of thinking and acting.  We speak completely different languages.  (Read The 5 Love languages to find out what yours and your spouse’s are)   Then there is also a personality difference; and also a difference in the way we were raised.  I’m a saver by birth, He is a spender.  I like to follow rules, lists and instructions.  He is a free spirit, spontaneous, the life of the party.  If I like vanilla, he likes chocolate. The list could go on and on.

At first these differences are exciting. If you are the structured, list follower it is thrilling to have a mate that is spontaneous. Life becomes unexpected and romantic. If you are the free spirit, it feels good to have some structure in your life. You think to yourself. This person can give me the stability our new family needs.  Then reality sets in and you begin to work together to make a home and build a family.  That’s when the differences become a frustration..

These differences are not bad. God actually designed it that way.  It is his way of balancing things out.  As you grow together in marriage you will find that your mate completes you.  They fill in where you are missing.  And through the years a rhythm can be learned.  The longer you are together the more you can work as one.  But it doesn’t come without hard work, communication and compromise.

Understanding these differences can help you synchronize your two different personalities.  ‘Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti’ by Bill & Pam Farrell is a hilarious look into the differences between men and women.  We studied this book as a Sunday School class and found it to be extremely helpful.

You will laugh your way through this book, but in the process you will discover that it is OK and even normal to be different. The book covers your differences in areas like communication, the way you and your spouse relax, parenting, sex, how you relate to goals and many more issues.  Once you accept your differences, you can begin to use them to build a strong family.

Before you can even learn to communicate you must learn to understand your differences.

Here is one of the many fun lists in this book. Enjoy!

“Why It’s Great to Be Male” facts……..

1. We know stuff about tanks.
2. A five-day trip requires one suitcase.
3. We can open all our own jars.
4. We can go to the bathroom without a support group.
5. We can leave a motel bed unmade.
6. We can kill our own food.
7. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
8. If someone forgets to invite us to something they can still be our friend.
9. Everything on our faces stays the original color.
10. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough…maybe too many.
11. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
12. We can sit quietly and watch a game with a friend for hours without thinking, “He must be mad at me.”
13. Same work–more pay.
14. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
15. We can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
16. If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit, we just might become lifelong friends.
17. Our pals will never trap us with: “So, notice anything different?”
18. We are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
19. We are totally unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
20. The same hairstyle lasts for years–even decades.
21. We don’t have to shave below the neck.
22. A few belches are expected and tolerated.
23. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
24. We can do our nails with a pocketknife.
25. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 people on the day before Christmas and in 45 minutes.